SILICON VALLEY – Today Mark Zuckerberg announced that he is thinking of restructuring Facebook’s business model after a series of targeted ads sent him swiftly thumbing through his privacy settings.
While testifying in front of the Senate last week, many in the courtroom took to the internet to point out that the 33-year-old entrepreneur was sitting atop an aptly dubbed “booster seat.” The result was an all-out roasting on social media. Even major news sources joined the fun. It seems they weren’t the only ones taking notice however, as those close to Zuckerberg say he was immediately targeted for more booster seats by Google’s Ad algorithms immediately preceding his trip to Capitol Hill.
“It’s been real hard on him,” said Zuckerberg’s closest friend and mother, Karen. “He goes on the Facebook to feel better about himself but then all he sees are normal people sitting in their normal chairs. Then you have people like these Google fellas trying to make money off that insecurity, it’s sick”
Zuckerberg may finally be seeing both sides of the coin this time as he’s begun laying out plans for his new “positive-reinforcement advertising framework.” Early testers have seen an uptick in advertisements for things such as anti-diet pills and penis reduction surgeries.
As far as the booster seat, the Zuckster took to his platform shortly after his announcement to inform the haters what the score was.
“Oh that? It wasn’t a booster seat at all,“ said Zuckerberg. “It was my wallet. Bitches.”