“You’ll Be Back,” Says Justin Trudeau

Justin Trudeau sitting back against a pile of timber logs

OTTAWA, ONTARIO – Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau seemed unfazed after the US recently imposed harsher tariffs on most Canadian softwood and dairy exports. The rulings were enthusiastically approved by President Trump, calling Canada’s infrastructure a “disgrace” and “very difficult.”

When asked if this could be the beginning of a trade war between the nations, Trudeau brushed away his chestnut locks and looked deeply into reporters eyes, declaring, “Oh? He’s never complained about my softwood before. I give it a week before he’s back, begging for a couple thousand board feet, ifyaknowwhatImean.”

Tensions have mounted between the nations leaders since Trudeau escaped one of Trump’s ‘dominating handshakes’ on a diplomatic visit. But Trudeau suspects the American president is just playing hard to get.

“I mean just look at this,” he said, indicating his bulging pectorals and the playfully undone buttons of his fitted dress shirt, “Sweden, Greenland, Mexico, they all want a shipment of Canada’s lumber. And once you get a taste of our fresh dairy cream, Mr. President? You’ll be back.”