WASHINGTON – The District of Columbia has declared The White House unmanageable due to excessive leaks and has ordered an inspection of the premises to determine the source. Building inspectors were sent in yesterday, and what they discovered went even deeper. Leaks have affected the very foundation of the building, creating pockets of mold and scum. This virtual cesspool needs to be drained like a swamp, the inspectors said.
“I don’t want to be the one to say we need to tear down the White house,” said head inspector Patch Emupp, “but I’d recommend at least a complete upgrade before the next few years. This place is in serious danger of completely collapsing.”
In most parts of the house, patching is no longer an option because the situation has gone past the point of repair.
Residents of the White House have called these allegations “fake inspections,” and are refusing to let any more building inspectors inside.
The inspectors have warned that not tending to the leaks will create a flood that could affect the whole surrounding area. If that’s the case, the District may obtain a court order to stop the leaks and evict any residents who impede the progress.