White House Aides Testing New Security Measures Around Nuke Button


WASHINGTON – In an act focused on the preservation of the nation, White House aides took matters into their own hands this week by adding extra security measures surrounding the big red button located on the desk of the oval office. The apparatus, which appeared overnight and restricts access to the nuke button, appears to be some kind of perplexing puzzle box that has left the president stumped.

Trump was seen fuming this morning, calling the matter “treasonous” and saying he’d “nuke them all to hell” just as soon as he figures out where green star shape goes. After fumbling with shapes for over an hour the president turned to Mike Pence for help in cracking the code but the vice president refused, saying he wouldn’t participate in the filling of holes.

The plan seems to have worked and the nation safe as the president eventually lost his patience with the puzzle and took to throwing the collective shapes at Mitch McConnell before settling in for a nap on the Oval Office floor.