WASHINGTON D.C. – The Watergate Complex in Washington D.C. is well known for its historically significant scandals. But no outrage involving the infamous apartment, hotel and office suite has been quite as troubling for residents as the recent kerfuffle involving the complex’s main gate. What started out as a simple technical malfunction and misunderstanding between employees has spiraled out of control, spawning what residents and staff at Watergate have referred to as “GateGate.”
It all started back when Norma Gene, parking lot attendant at the Hotel Office Building on 2650 Virginia Avenue, noticed that the gate wasn’t working properly. She promptly told management of the faulty equipment, but a repairman wasn’t called for several days. The next week, four separate repairmen arrived on the scene at four separate times of the day. Norma Gene, was there for the first repairman during her morning shift, but was unaware that the device was “fixed” three more times throughout the day. When she arrived the next morning, the parking lot gate swung open and closed madly, badly damaging several cars.
During the fallout over the next few weeks, things turned ugly. This time around, nine separate managers were asked to fix the problem, calling in a total of twenty-seven different repair men. Disputes between the repairmen erupted throughout the week, escalating to physical altercations witnessed by a crowd of spectators. Just when the gate seemed to be functioning properly and the hubbub started to die down, out of nowhere the gate sprung to life as the diplomat from Algeria drove under in his corvette, severing his head and killing him instantly. Officials tried to cover up the accident, even going so far as to blame the Russians for hacking into the machine. This has resulted in further controversy and diplomatic distress for the U.S.
All-in-all, the gate has caused millions of dollars in vehicular damage, over twenty staff firings, and one casualty. Today the gate sensor and motor continue to malfunction, chopping in a downward motion whenever someone approaches it and sometimes just randomly.
The future of the “GateGate” is uncertain, but what is for sure is the terrible psychological toll it has taken on those involved. “I just don’t know what to think anymore” admitted Norma Gene. “You think you’re living somewhere with a set of rules and competent people running the show, but everyone wants to get ahead at the expense of someone else and look what happens. Is this really the building complex that we want to leave for our children?”