HYPOCRITICOUNTY – In light of a recently leaked document revealing that Donald Trump filed a $916 million loss on his 1995 tax return, and thus probably hasn’t paid federal income tax for 18 years, Trump has officially reversed his position on Welfare Recipients. Trump, who previously stated that Welfare programs were rife with fraud and sought to exclude welfare recipients from his residences, now dubs these low-income earners as “geniuses.”
At a campaign rally in Hypocriticounty Ohio, Trump said between sniffs, “These low income earners, just like Fortune-500 CEOs, have found a way to use the system to their advantage, and I like that. Those are my kind of people. I found a way to not pay federal income tax for 18 years because, frankly, I’m a brilliant guy. Losing over 900 million dollars was a total genius move on my part, if I do say so myself.”
After patting himself on the back, Trump made the pivot, “And now folks, I have to give credit where credit is due. I mean come on, these poverty-level citizens have worked the government in their favor to get subsidies for food, healthcare, AND housing. All for not having a job! Woah mama, what a savvy group. Uncle Sam sure didn’t see that one coming!” The raucous crowd roared with unanimous approval.