WASHINGTON D.C.- Anonymous sources within the White House have finally come forward with a hopeful account of reclusive President Donald Trump’s steps to improving his knowledge of government functions. It has been confirmed that Trump’s aides have arranged private screenings of the hit 1970’s children’s program ‘School House Rock’ for the leader, to give him a crash course in civics complete with catchy lyrics.
Scheduling civics lessons intended for grade schoolers around Trump’s Twitter and Fox News viewing schedule can be a handful, however. An aide who preferred not to be identified described the process as nothing short of grueling. “First there’s always the problem of locating a room with a light source and ensuring the president is clothed enough; we’ve had plenty of robe snafus already,” the aide admitted, “but once we wrestle his phone out of his hands, he can be held in place for a history lesson by as little as four of us.”
Aides have aired ‘School House Rock’ episodes on the Constitution, the Electoral College and the national debt so far, and are pleased with the president’s retention of the basics. Trump correctly identified all three branches of government in a private cabinet meeting, according to one aide, and was slipped several scented ‘Grape Job!’ stickers on his executive order draft to commend him on his effort.
The lessons have also influenced his Twitter feed, as was noted during an exchange with Democratic congress members regarding a recently proposed bill. Trump took to social media to announce his reluctance to sign off on a water conservation bill penned by democrats; “Tough luck! Only the bills I sign get made into laws. Dems can hope and pray that I will, but it’s still just a bill. Sad!”