Trump: I’m Sorry…That I’m not Sorry

Donald Trump

REFLECTIONVILL, OHIO – As the political season draws to a close, Donald Trump took time yesterday to look back on his campaign, seemingly without the slightest hint of sentimentality or nostalgia. But that doesn’t mean that he wasn’t without regret. After one hell of an eventful year with lots of ups, downs, twists, turns and political surprises, the Donald has finally apologized…for not apologizing.

“Sorry I’m not sorry, folks.” Trump told a cheering crowd at one of his rallies. “Is that how you millennials say it? Sorry, not sorry? Well that’s just how I feel about the whole damn thing. I came. I saw. I conquered. And some people don’t like it, but to them I say it: I deeply apologize…for having nothing to apologize for. Sorry, not sorry.”

As cheers erupted from the massive audience, Trump smelled an opportunity. It appeared that Trump had found his next catchphrase. He continued, driving his supporters into a frenzy, “Winning big among the poorly educated – love the poorly educated, by the way – Well, sorry not sorry. Telling that loser John McCain what a true war hero looks like? Sorry, not sorry. Calling that cow Alicia Machado out for ballooning like a rising cake? Sorry, not sorry. And, finally, winning the white house against crooked Hillary Clinton while being the most unpopular presidential candidate in the history of the United States?…Ahhhhh, you know the rest.” The crowd went unapologetically mad.