WASHINGTON D.C.- Media experts estimate that Donald Trump has received an additional eight million dollars in free media coverage, specifically when the media discusses Trump’s free media coverage. Gary Sanders, chief media researcher at George Washington University, calculated the figure using complex algorithms, and noted that the dollar amount is only rising with each passing day.
It is true, of course, that the news media has inadvertently given Donald Trump an exorbitant amount of advertising money in free media coverage, allowing Trump’s campaign to spend less on the trail than some of his biggest rivals. This fact has been mentioned frequently as of late on numerous morning, late night, and prime time network news and opinion shows. So much so, according to Sanders, that just mentioning that the media mentions Donald Trump too much is an example of the media mentioning Donald Trump too much. “Stating the problem is not helping the problem. It’s like Axel Rose asking Google take down fat pictures of himself on the internet – stating your grievances causes more harm than good.” As a side note, Sanders advised reporters to, “seriously, Google ‘fat Axel Rose’ and read the memes, you will not be disappointed.”
As to how the media can get out of its endless cycle of unnecessarily helping Donald Trump’s campaign, Sanders seemed all out of ideas.
“We’re doing it right now. Right now we, the media, are giving Trump free media coverage by commenting on how the media gives Trump free media coverage when the media discusses the insane amount of free coverage it gives him. It’s…it’s maddening. It’s like a Russian Doll. It’s a wheel inside of a wheel. It’s a wet jigsaw puzzle. It’s staring at an endless hall of faces when you look into a mirror that faces a mirror. It’s…it’s…”
Just then Gary Sanders eyes rolled in the back of his head as he collapsed mid-sentence. Sanders was rushed to a D.C. hospital with symptoms of a brain aneurism brought on by extreme mental conundrums.