Ticket for DC Comics Movies to Include Complementary Adderall & Xanax

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Life sized action figure versions of Superman and Batman

METROPOLIS – After trying in vain to get the right balance of humor and dark and gritty storytelling in their super hero movies, DC Entertainment has made a bold move. Parent company Warner Brothers has formed an unprecedented partnership with drug manufacturers in order to deliver a potent pill cocktail that promises to leave moviegoers with a fully realized emotional experience that has no chance of being diminished by wooden dialogue and bombastic, nonsensical plot lines.

A Warner official who identified himself as Kevin provided some insight. “One of our main concerns was making sure the drugs did their job effectively,” he said. “At first we thought the Adderall would have people finding plot holes like they were chasing Pokemon, but a little dose of Alprazolam smoothed that right out. You still see the story flaws because they’re freakin huge, but you just don’t care about it so much.”

The positive results of testing have given DC Entertainment plenty of confidence going ahead, and industry insiders expect a rapid expansion of the release schedule. A huge run up to the Legion of Super Pets is expected to be the centerpiece of the next phase of drug addled cinematic universe.

Kryto the Super-Dog and Streaky the Super-Cat will start things off. After a six month period during which moviegoers will be given time to have their dosages adjusted. The stand-alone Beppo the Super-Monkey and Comet the Super-Horse pictures will close out things before the ensemble picture debuts.