BREAKING: The man America knows to be the President of the United States, Donald J Trump, is actually a human cyborg genetically engineered in an underground lab in Area 51. This sinister project was commissioned by corrupted congressional Republicans (themselves puppets of a conglomerate of biotech and human organ harvesting corporations) to create the ultimate superhuman candidate to defeat the Democrat’s once-unstoppable machine, Hillary Clinton.
Everything was going swimmingly for the conniving red-state congressmen…until the Kremlin reared its nation-annexing head! At some point during the election, Russia hired Eric Snowden to hack into the Republican’s monstrous creation, corrupting its CPU and overriding its central command. With the help of Snowden’s former colleagues still in the States, as well as communist moles inside the NSA, Russia reprogrammed robot-Trump to serve the wishes of its new masters. Under the direction of the Russian overlords, Putin’s puppet managed to win the White House and prop up Steve Bannon as the United State’s shadowy dictator.
But what became of the real Donald Trump? Reports indicate that the Donald’s body was cryogenically frozen and shot into space by FBI Director James Comey, who is himself the king serpent of a secret society of lizard people. Trump’s body was then intercepted by the radical terrorist organization ISIS, who just launched their WikiLeaks-sponsored space program.
Although ISIS’s aim was to reanimate the former reality-TV show star, and use his gelatinous body as their secret weapon to expand their caliphate, circumstances became complicated. While hauling in Trump’s floating lifeless body, ISIS came in contact with a UFO, believed to be of Martian descent. The spacecraft opened fire upon the jihadist warriors, and now the Islamic State faces a war on two fronts: on land against Cyborg Trump & Putin, and in outer space against the aliens.
While Cyborg Donald Trump, under the leadership of Putin and controlled by Steve Bannon, continues his war on ISIS, rebel groups have formed in the Democratic party under the leadership of Chuck Schumer and Batboy. These rogue forces hope they can break the lizard people’s control over the FBI and US armed forces, and mount a military coup against the newly crowned tyrannical government. However, they’ll first have to contend with both the Republicans and the Martians, in this ever-evolving, ever-more convoluted socio-political situation.