Tape Worm Troubled by Lack of Fiber in Man’s Diet

Closeup shot of the head of a tapeworm

SIERRA LEONE – Searching high and low through miles of intestinal tract for any small sign of nutrition, a local 50ft parasitic tape worm is extremely troubled at the lack of fiber content in his host’s diet. “I’m worried about the guy” said the tapeworm while tunneling his way into a new stretch of fresh colon. “He works all day, gets little to no sleep, and what does he put in the tank to refuel? Just a lot of beer, candy and unsubstantial snack food. Jesus, eat a carrot every now and then, it’ll do us all some good!”

The parasitic worm lamented what he saw as his host’s, Bob Hurt’s, worsening condition. “At first I noticed Bob lost his appetite, but nothing too serious. Then lately he’s been experiencing nausea, abdominal pain, and even some diarrhea out the South entrance. Poor guy. He better start adding some whole grains to his diet quick or the situation’s going to get a lot worse.”

Although the tapeworm’s first concern is the health of his host (whom he thinks of as both a caregiver and an old friend) the parasite is also fearful for his future lineage. “What happens when I lay my eggs all along Bob’s gastrointestinal tract? What kind of world are my hungry babies going to grow up in? It’s this kind of stuff that keeps me up at night. And, as a result, keeps Bob up at night.”