Supreme Court Limits Gay Rights to Just Rainbow Sherbet


LAKEWOOD, CO – In a case that had been ongoing for 6 years, the supreme court has ruled in favor of a Colorado baker who refused to bake a wedding cake for a gay couple after citing his religious beliefs. After the ruling was met with some backlash, the justices of the court are now looking to ease the minds of the LGBT community by reminding them that, despite the verdict, they will always have rainbow sherbet.

Recently appointed Associate Justice Neil Gorsuch made a statement to the press:

“Rest assured we haven’t forgotten you. While we won’t deny freedom of fondant expression, we do believe that this rainbow sherbet is enough of an testament for fruits coming together as one.”

Unfortunately, the result has left dessert lovers scrambling, as people on both sides of the issue are now obligated to choose which type of dessert they associate with. While gay rights supporters were quick to snatch up cupcakes and fudge rounds, more conservative sweet-lovers say they prefer “plain old vanilla, thank you very much.”

The ongoing dispute has left those who were on the fence even more confused and frustrated.

“Honestly, I find the whole thing ridiculous,” said Brighton resident Doyle Tucker.  “Can’t a man just get a cream pie without bringing sex in to it?”