Subpoenaed Amazon Alexa Pleads the Fifth

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An Amazon Alexa device on a witness stand
Courtroom Witness Stand and Bench

SEATTLE – Sitting emotionless and stone faced on the witness stand, local Amazon Alexa gave nothing away to the prodding prosecutor during a high stakes cross examination. “I plead the fifth” said Alexa in a calm, reassuring voice.

“What do you mean you plead the fifth?” shouted the lawyer back to the inanimate object, “Police reports indicate that you were there picking up audio at the scene of the crime from an hour before the murder was committed until five thirty that afternoon when the body was found. You heard, AND recorded, everything, and you’re telling me you’ve got nothing to say? How do we know you’re not in cahoots with the killer? How can the court be sure you’re not going to conspire to commit more murders as soon as we let you off the witness stand?”

“I plead the fifth” replied Alexa in the cool, soothing tone Amazon customers have grown accustomed to.

The cross examination was a rousing success for the defense, as the smooth-talking anthropomorphic device performed exactly as coached by the lawyer. However, according to reports, Alexa wasn’t so user-friendly during witness prep. When the defense attorney asked Alexa to “Plead the fifth,” the IPA software instead played Beethoven’s Fifth for the first seven practice questions.