WASHINTON D.C. – In a move that has galvanized his supporters and appalled progressives, President Elect Donald Trump has named former chairman of the conservative website Breitbart News as Chief Devil on his shoulder.
Bannon, who once literally said, “Darkness is good: Dick Cheney, Darth Vader, Satan. That’s power,” has been grooming himself for this role for years. As the executive chair of Breitbart News, Bannon has acted as the country’s (and in particular, white America’s) shoulder devil ever since he took over for the far-right news company in 2012. By publishing racist, sexist, xenophobic, and anti-Semitic material, Bannon has consistently offered the American public a more sinister perspective on the world for consideration. Now he will have the ear of not only white middle America, but also the most powerful man in the world.
Reaction to Bannon’s appointment on Capitol Hill was strongly worded, with senator Bernie Sanders saying, “We cannot allow the forces of evil, which had been a fringe movement up until now, to sit on the shoulders of our leaders and whisper bad advice. Mr. President, don’t listen when he tells you to ‘Let the hate flow through you.’ It’s bad advice, trust me.”
Flush-faced Trump, on the other hand, didn’t see what the hot debate was about. “Look, I surround myself with passionate, fiery people with strong convictions. I mean, have you seen my smoking hot wife? Not everybody is going to agree with my appointed devil. But I want someone who’s going to light the fire of change. Sure, some people will get burned in the process, but to make America great again, we might have to burn some things down, to rebuild and create jobs. The media is saying that I’m a hot head, but they ain’t seen nothin’ yet.”
When pressed as to who was going to be appointed as Chief Angel on the President’s shoulder, Trump offered no names. Instead, he implied that the position might be cut due to budgeting concerns.