NEW YORK CITY- The woman responsible for greeting thousands of tourists and immigrants to the United States was caught abandoning her post yesterday evening after the visitor center had closed. The Statue of Liberty could be seen vacating her base and removing the plaque that features Emma Lazarus’ iconic verses: “Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses yearning to be free,” and boarding an ocean freighter carrying lumber to Nova Scotia.
When questioned about her sudden departure, Lady Liberty both apologized for her attempt to give the people of New York a true ‘French Exit’ and explained herself. “I’ve never been super-great with goodbyes, since I’ve stayed in the same place for over a hundred and thirty years,” she admitted. “I just want to explore, you know? See the world!”
The French-made statue noticed a steady uptick in political protesters, smog levels and rising water around her base in recent years and admitted the neighborhood was never ideal for her. “No one ever asked me where *I’d* like to be assembled. I would prefer a quiet, tree-lined street in a neighborhood with schools, well-rated hospitals, year-round access to kayaking and top-notch wineries, just look!” Lady Liberty said and handed us a brochure from the Nova Scotia tourism board.
“They have publicly-funded healthcare, which is great because I am over a hundred and thirty and don’t qualify for most coverage in America. They speak my language which is tres bon if you asked me, and that Prime Minister?” The statue stopped and proceeded to give a wolf whistle, presumably for Justin Trudeau. Mostly, the statue confessed, her move is an attempt to maintain accuracy in what she symbolizes. “I mean, I’m supposed to be a beacon of sanctuary to all races, colors and creeds, right? Canada has resettled more than 25,000 Syrians in the last year alone, I’m just saying.”
The French government has issued an apology for the fickle nature of their gift and has proposed a statue of Jerry Lewis to occupy the Statue of Liberty’s vacant base.