Sleep Number Introduces Sex Number Beds

A couple laying in bed. To the right is a graphic for different types of sex positions.

Las Vegas – Sleep Number’s newest line, Sex Number, just hit stores, and the response has been positively orgasmic. The Sex Number beds include a smartphone app that acts like a remote control to adjust the bed to a couple’s desired position.

Holden Wood, a representative from Sex Number explained, “Inspired by the Kamasutra and Urban Dictionary, the bed easily maneuvers to give couples the optimal angles for maximum pleasure. Focus groups showed favorite positions include the Cincinnati Steamer, Rusty Trumpet and Dirty Diego. If you don’t know the terminology, don’t worry; the app features simple graphics, and the instructional video will fill in all your blanks.”

Lisa Larson went to the Sex Number launch party and said, “It was like a scene out of ‘When Harry Met Sally.’ One woman using the vibrate setting was moaning, while another customer waiting for service said, ‘I’ll have what she’s having.’ It was quite the retail orgy.”

Currently Sex Number can’t keep up with the demand, and beds are backordered until early next year but should be delivered in time for Valentine’s Day. New designs are in the works to cater to more traditional couples who just want to feel and hear rusty springs, reminiscent of naughty motel trysts from their twenties and thirties. Sex Number is also working on a S&M headboard and footboard for the more sexually adventurous.