NEVERLAND – According to aggravated friends, family, and coworkers, full-time mother and emotional basket-case Barbara Overbear simply refuses to stop referring to her two-year old child’s age in months. Some close friends say that Mrs. Overbear is simply being overly sentimental, but most the people who know her claim that she just can’t accept change. According to her older sister Thelma, Barbara’s baby is “on the upper end of being a two-year old,” and suggested that her little sister, “grow up a little bit herself.”
When asked about her walking, solid food-eating, sentence-saying toddler’s age, Mrs. Overbear’s response was simply maddening. “Oh you mean my little tiny baby 33-month-old, Billy? He’s my precious little pumpkiny wumpkiny, yesi wes-he is!” Billy then hocked a grown man loogie into Barbara’s face and ran off to watch an episode of The West Wing. Barbara just cleaned her face off and said, “Oh, well, little boys will be little boys, I guess.”
When we brought it to her attention that next week Billy would turn 34 months old, Mrs. Overbear suddenly shouted, “HUSH,” and desperately tried to compose herself. When we mentioned that in three short months Billy would turn three years old, Mrs. Overbear told our crew to leave immediately. When asked if she would start calling Billy “three” at that time, Mrs. Overbear screamed, “BILLY WILL ALWAYS BE MY BABY,” and then slammed the door.