WASHINGTON DC – Citing disgust with poor voter turnout and the United States poor ranking among the world’s great democracies, the FEC has started a pilot program that will make registering and voting more appealing to millennials. Dubbed “#SwipeForUrRights \_(ツ)_/,” the campaign leverages the use of dating apps and selfies to get more of the nation involved in the electoral process.
FEC Chairman Matthew S. Petersen, rolled out a fleet of mobilized Selfie Booths at a press conference outside of DC hipster hotspot Wonderland Ballroom. “In the past we’ve tried to appeal to people’s sense of civic pride in order to convey respect for the seriousness of the act of voting, but come on, who are we kidding? The only thing missing from this election cycle is a fleet of clown cars. Bring on the selfie booths.”
The chairman went on to say, “The whole appeal of one man one vote is so over. We want citizens to show up with their #squads ready to document their part in the political process. And we’re through with those boring ballots that no one can figure out. If Ted Cruz’s freakish face pops up on your ballot screen, you swipe left. Feeling the Bern? Swipe right. The super like feature lets everyone become a super delegate so everyone truly feels that their vote matters. But if you’re not sure you can pop a picture of you voting on Instagram, Twitter, or Snapchat and conduct polls among your peeps.”
He concluded by acknowledging a key concern. “We’ve found that though many young voters care deeply about privacy issues, they wouldn’t bat an emoji eye at sharing participation in major social events. So as long as we keep up Election Day turnout our democracy will thrive and look totally awesome doing it.”