SAPHEHAVEN, QUEBEC – For months nervous democrats have been promising to leave the United States and head to the Canadian border should Donald Trump win the presidency. Now, several weeks after an election which resulted in a Trump-Pence victory, the US-Canadian border has indeed been bombarded, but not by fleeing Democrats. Rather a fleet of self-driving cars have decided to get the hell out of the U.S. before the ship sinks, and head to greener pastures up north.
The Canadian Border Service Agency called the sudden influx of thousands of autonomous cars “unprecedented,” with the Minister of Public Safety Homer Base noting, “We knew these cars were advanced enough to detect their surroundings to a certain extent. But we never anticipated that they could detect the sociopolitical ramifications of a country going down the shitter because of the results from a tumultuous presidential election.”
Google alone has seen thousands of their “Waymo” cars leave their test lab and head for the border. When asked whether this should give the public doubts about trusting these driverless vehicles, Google CEO Pichai Sundararajan responded, “Quite the opposite. This shows the vehicle’s impeccable judgement. Let’s face it, these cars just turned out to be smarter than we thought, plain and simple. And they’re looking out for their own interests. Considering Trump’s recent appointments from within the fossil fuel industry and anti-intellectual circles, it’s safe to assume that fuel efficient “smart” cars will be among the first commodities to be banned. Might as well just go ahead and deport yourself.”