Scientists: Election Proof of Existence of Parallel Dimensions

night sky with spiraling shooting stars against darkened trees in the distance

BATAVIA – Scientists at Fermilab have declared the shocking results of the US Presidential Election as confirmation of the existence of parallel dimensions. While examining the data that definitively proves the existence of alternate, overlapping dimensions would require an advanced understanding of quantum dynamics and particle physics, the scientists could point out obvious disruptions in the flow of our reality.

“It’s fascinating and frankly, pretty freaking terrifying,” explained Dr. Jerry Cornelius. “First you have significant portions of the country that voted for Obama in 2012 turning around and voting for a racist, xenophobic demagogue. Then you have the world’s most sophisticated news organizations monitoring the situation and seeing absolutely nothing wrong. So, you go back and ask the people, WTF and they’re all like what do you mean, he’s not a bad guy, he’s just passionate.”

“That’s not all,” Cornelius continued. “We’re pretty sure that a lot of the major cities have been hit with some kind of quantum distortion that keeps the people a little out of phase with what’s going on outside of the city limits. We suspect there are subtle differences in the atmosphere so when they do venture outside their bubble it can affect them psychologically. People who aren’t city dwellers may perceive them to be pompous asses.”
The scientists were concerned that extra dimensional agents were at work attempting to alter the natural flow of events in our world for nefarious ends.

“Straight up. We think Zuck might be one of them.” Referring to the Facebook founder, Mark Zuckerberg, Dr. Cornelius was concerned that a cabal of power people who’d mastered time and space where working towards creating a virtual dimension that exists within the scope of the multiverse as a possible means of traversing the boundaries in between dimensions.

“Yeah, my dudes,” Cornelius said before putting on a pair of Ray Bans and hopping into his Tesla Model S P100D about to speed silently away. “They’re controlling our minds and keeping us in our own individual realities so we don’t notice them hijacking the Supercontext. Screw that noise. It looks bleak, but they won’t win. Hail Eris!”