Report: Astros Fans Offered Deshaun Watson’s ACL as Sacrifice to the Baseball Gods


HOUSTON – Facing a game 7 on the road, with an all-or-nothing shot at the Commissioner’s Trophy, many Houston Astros fans were at home clutching their rosaries Wednesday night.  However there was a small group of Houston residents who, looking to bring some glory to a city in desperate need of comeback story, made a fateful pact to ensure an Astros win.

Over the past few weeks rookie quarterback Deshaun Watson had been a shining star for the Houston Texans – a beacon of hope, coming out of what looked like a lost season after a dreadful start and losing defensive anchor J.J Watt. However with a mediocre record of 3-4 on one end, and a shot at a World Series title on the line, Astros fans met in secret in order to secure their title.

Former Texans Quarterback Matt Schaub led the impromptu séance on the 50 yard line of NRG Stadium. There Astros fans gathered to burn Arian Foster’s old knee braces alongside copies of Andre Johnson’s toy drive receipts in order to initiate the blood magic.

The ritual proved to be a success. The Astros stole game 7 in terrific fashion in a game that was unprecedented for the series. But the next day while the city celebrated, the baseball gods came for their offering. Deshaun Watson went down untouched in practice, gripping his knee in a moment of what seemed to be divine intervention. While the scene was grim, coaches and teammates remain positive that the former Clemson star will bounce back to full strength. Additional reports today indicate fans are already preparing for their next sacrifice of backup QB Tom Savage to ensure the rookie’s speedy recovery.