NEW YORK CITY – In a heart-wrenching new PSA Ad, the Commission for Public Safety (CPS) is pushing their new Slogan, “Friends Don’t Let Friends Watch Fox & Friends.” The Ad is slated to broadcast this Friday on all channels (except Fox News) in the hope that friends of those watching Fox & Friends will see it and be compelled to take action.
“There has been an epidemic in this country,” lamented CPS spokeswomen Anna Diction. “Seeking an escape from the pain associated with complex political reality, hundreds of thousands of formerly reasonable people across the country are now turning to some of the worst garbage you can possibly consume, including a program known on the street as ‘Fox & Friends.’ We urge everyone out there to just say no to all right-wing propaganda, including those disguised as morning shows.”
“Fox & Friends” is a highly addictive strand of basic morning cable known to bring a euphoric feeling to racists and xenophobes. Marketed to scared old white men trying to forget the fact that they’re less than a decade away from death (at best), “Fox & Friends” has been linked with lack of ability to recall actual facts, intense bouts of anger related to issues the addict formerly didn’t know or care about, and strained relationships with most adults under the age of 40.
“We’re hoping that this new anti-Fox & Friends campaign will shed light on the dangers of watching a show that once referred to Mr. Rogers as an ‘evil, evil man,’” said Mrs. Diction. “Put it this way,” she said grabbing an egg out of her pocket, “this is your brain. And this is your brain on Fox & Friends” She then proceeded to douse the egg in gasoline and light it on fire.
Typically when people stop watching Fox & Friends they report intense withdrawal symptoms and will do anything for another hit of babbling Donald Trump phone interviews, conspiracy theories about Barack Obama’s religion, and an offensive amount of female leg cams. It is not recommended that any user operate a vehicle, heavy machinery, or engage in political discourse while the program is on.
Cable News lobbyists defended the cable program in a statement, saying, “Our broadcasts are all natural and 100% ‘Merican. I mean, just look at our ratings! Over a million daily viewers can’t be wrong!”
The CPS advertisement, which Fox News described as thinly-veiled propaganda masquerading as public safety, begins with a shot of an old angry white man. He is wearing a MAGA hat, and is curled up in a rocking chair, watching TV and grumbling about Mexicans. On his TV screen, Steve Doocy’s smiles menacingly as he turns to his co-hosts Ainsley Earhardt and Brian Kilmeade to say, “Well, shall we discuss Obama’s ties to the Muslim brotherhood?” The three hosts cackle manically, and are joined in laughter by the old man.
Behind the old man’s chair, 3 small children walk up quietly looking concerned. “Gr…Grandpa?” says the littlest one with an innocent voice. The Grandfather whips around from his chair, foaming at the mouth.
“YOU PROBABLY VOTED FOR OBAMA DIDN’T YOU?” the grandfather screams, “STEVE DOOCY SAYS YOU’RE A LIBERAL COMMUNIST ILLEGAL! GO TO HELL, SOCIAL JUSTICE WARRIOR!!!!!”
The ad fades to a black screen with the words “Friends Don’t Let Friends Watch Fox & Friends.” The ad concludes with a voiceover that warns ominously, “They’re not your friends.”
If you know someone addicted to the “Fox & Friends” morning show, please call 1-800-BAD-NEWS to ask for an intervention specialist, or contact their cable provider.