Procrastinator Can’t Decide What Less Important Thing to do First

man sitting at table looking listless. There is a beer on the table looks like he's been there awhile

IDLETOWN – Local procrastinator Al Gettuit was awakened to a text from his boss, but decided he would read it when he was more awake. “I’m not ready for a message like that,” Gettuit thought, “so waiting it out should be better. As they say, good things come to those who wait.”

He rolled half way out of bed and picked up his phone. Social media is a natural time waster for many, but Gettuit has taken it to a new level. “I still need to upload a profile picture,” he thought. “Also, to “Like” something, or to post about anything.” He proceeded to gaze down through the infinite scroll, attempting to reach the end.

After an hour, Gettuit strolled into the kitchen to check the empty To-Do list on the wall, where he wrote down ‘1.)’ “Well, that’s a start,” he said to himself, and then spent the next ten minutes twirling the pen on his fingers.
Gettuit picked up the instructions to his partly assembled Ikea cabinet sitting in the corner. “I never did figure this thing out,” he muttered. “I’ll have to finish it tomorrow. By then I’ll be older, and therefore wiser and more capable of doing it.”

He washed a mug from the pile of dirty dishes in the sink and thought about how much space he saved in his cupboards by never putting dishes away.

Seeing it was 2:15 p.m. already, Gettuit went to get dressed, but then reconsidered. “At this point, it’s so late in the day, that I’m thinking why bother?”

Gettuit got out a packet of instant ramen to fix, and strolled over to turn on the T.V, where he got caught up in The Rockford Files. By the time the next episode began, Gettuit slid down on the couch and exclaimed “Man, am I hungry.”