WASHINGTON DC – After an election season that saw candidates linked to numerous displays of sexually predatory behavior, members of the political elite were relieved to see it come to close. They were also comforted with the knowledge that the National Football League was primed to soak up the spotlight in their absence.
A Republican Party official who wished to remain anonymous quipped, “now we’ve got some rascals on our side, no doubt. The NFL though, now that’s on a whole other level. Those are some bad hombres. We’re so stoked we won. I’m going to go home and look my daughter in the eye and tell her America’s greatness is within our grasp.”
The NFL for its part considered itself good to go for another hard-hitting season on and off the field. League representatives expressed confidence in its toothless personal conduct policy and noted that they were going to sell a lot of pink colored apparel to make up for any hard feelings come Breast Cancer Awareness Month.