In Place of Sanctions, EU Will Force Countries To Host Next Olympics

A banner for the Sochi 2014 Olympics

BRUSSELS, BELGIUM – Proceeding today’s European Union council meeting, the EU has announced a shocking new political framework to combat human rights violations. Instead of sanctions and embargoes, the EU (with the help of the IOC) will look to change the behavior of target countries with the threat of hosting the next Olympics.

The Olympics have long held the reputation of being disastrous for host countries. Often times hosts are left with billions in cost, displaced populations, and worthless crumbling infrastructure.

This puts immediate strain on Russia who, with its continued involvement in Ukraine, is most at risk. Russia, who hosted the Olympics as recently as 2014, took a $50 billion dollar hit at the time, but what was worse was the humiliation and mocking the country took for the conditions in Sochi.

When pressed for comment after the ruling, a wide-eyed Vladimir Putin spoke gravely on the threat of once again hosting the games. “I fear Russia will not be able to withstand a barrage of memes like that again” he said shaking his head.

While most leaders have praised the EU for this new stance, some countries have gone as far as to call the new decree a war crime.

“It’s inhumane” says Syrian dictator Bashar al-Assad. “Everyone knows hosting the Olympics cripples a country to the point of no return. Like scorching earth so nothing will grow.”