WASHINGTON DC – Protestors gathered in force outside animal shelters and pet stores nationwide to protect Persian cats from the expanded effects of the Trump administration’s Muslim ban. Critics of the controversial executive order say it unfairly targets the fluffy balls of cuteness and joy because of their ancestral origins.
Administration officials surrounded by a cheering section of supporters holding “Take Your Purs Back to Persia” signs, argued that national security, not discrimination was at the heart of their policy.
Press Secretary Spicer had this to say, “Look, these cats have Iranian origins, and they hate us. There’s tons of evidence online detailing their nefarious schemes. Just Google ‘cats trying to kill owners.’ You’ll see what I mean. I was up all night reading this cold-blooded diary of one cat who’s just waiting for her chance to strike. Luckily the dog and bird are on our side.”
Spicer also justified the unprecedented sweeps and aggressive actions of enforcement agencies saying, “You people better be grateful President Trump loves grabbing pussy so much. We’d be screwed otherwise.”
Meanwhile, opponents see the policy as just another showy diversion from the real causes of concern. Citing statistics that most feline involved acts of violence, such as bird killing, running around people’s feet when they go down stairs and general shadiness, can be attributed to homegrown domestic cats.