Oprah to Promote No Wrinkle in Time Face Cream

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HOLLYWOOD – The movie A Wrinkle in Time, an adaption of Madeleine L’Engle’s acclaimed science fantasy novel, has received a lot of hype these past few weeks, not only for its engaging material, but also its incredible all-star cast. At the center of these stars is beloved American icon and miracle-in-human-form Oprah Winfrey. After making the media rounds this week promoting the new film, Oprah announced today that she would also be releasing her own age restoring facial cream inspired by the film.

Promising to turn back the clock on creases and wrinkles, Oprah demonstrated the product by slathering her face with it live on Good Morning America, and you could practically see the wrinkles melt away before your eyes. While it should noted that Oprah is perfect and never actually had wrinkles in the first place, we’re just going to chalk that up to years of testing this product before launch.

The face cream is now available online and in her “O” shopping catalog, carrying a hefty price tag of $6,400 per 4oz container. While that may sound steep to some, it’s nearly impossible to put a price on something that can Benjamin-Button-the-shit-out-of-your-face like this stuff can. Active ingredients include crushed moon rocks, powdered goat scrotum, between 1-3 drops of Oprah’s own blood and aloe vera. Oprah also announced the limited edition, deluxe-packaged version which will come with its own car and a complimentary Tom Cruise to apply it for you.