Office’s New Emotion Sensor Lights Combat SAD, Improve Morale

conference table in office with a large circular lighting fixture

CHICAGO — Jones Corp, a West Loop based healthcare firm claims it has used cutting edge technology to conquer morale problems. Since replacing their light controlling motion sensors with vibe sensing emotion sensors, even Mondays are a joy.

The brainchild of resident engineer Leonard Watson, the emotion sensors were originally used to alleviate the effects of Seasonal Affected Disorder. “Winter in Chicago sucks for a lot of people,” Watson said. “All that cold and darkness makes people super moody, but my emotion sensors keep the lights as long as those frowns stay upside down.”

The emotion sensors control the lights much like the original sensors did, but many feel the camaraderie of being in a good mood in order to keep the lights on keeps everyone happy and productive. A team of counselors, massage therapists, magicians, and puppeteers are on hand to rush over to any dark spots of the office at a moment’s notice. Many describe the office as pretty close to paradise and it isn’t unusual for the day to be punctuated by impromptu singalongs.

Other tenants in the building have different opinions about Jones Corp eternal good mood. An employee of a neighboring company who only wanted to be identified as Beth says that the general thought is the Jones crew are a bunch of manic goons.

“They’re like a freaking cult or something. I’m dead serious. They all have these rigid smiles and glazed looks in their eyes.” She went on to explain that everyone has stopped going up to the 6th floor where Jones Corp is located. “It was so damn sad when they turned that machine on. After a couple days, my best friend just wasn’t the same. It was like she was possessed by a demon that was really high on molly all the time. I had to let her go. It was her or me.”

When asked about possible side effects of the the emotion sensors, Watson shrugged and claimed the machine was essentially harmless. When asked about how the sensors functioned, Watson muttered something about low level bursts of radiation and electricity and wandered off.