CHICAGO – With winter in full swing and colds flying around the office faster than rumors of a mass layoff, employees at a local firm are seriously unimpressed with the quality of the tissues they’ve been provided.
“You think we don’t know what sandpaper is? It looks like I’ve been snorting my grandma’s rouge,” complained Alicia in accounting. I mean, if they want to cut corners, why not get rid of our waste-of-time staff meetings?”
A group of dissenters couldn’t take the nasal abuse anymore, so they took action. The group organizer, Brenda explained, “We started an office pool, and with just $.28 per employee, we were able to upgrade to aloe-infused triple ply in pretty seasonal print boxes. Those depressing standard-issue gray boxes made me feel like I was living communist Russia or something.”
Empowered by their feat, the group isn’t stopping at facial tissue. “We’ve won the battle but not the war,” declared Brenda. “Next we’re addressing the toilet paper, then the potholes in the parking lot. We won’t stop until we’re treated like the moderately competent employees that we are.”
The office manager, Brad, commented, “I’m glad the team is working together with a common goal of improving things around here. I just wish they put half as much energy and organization into their actual work.”