Number of Volunteers and Charitable Donations Soar as US Hits Third Stage of Grief

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Group of men carrying a table

WASHINGTON DC – As the parade of horrors generated by the incoming administration continue unabated, there has been a silver lining of sorts. Officials in the non-profit industry are reporting signs that the American population is pulling out of its swan dive of disbelief and anger and throwing itself wholeheartedly into the third stage of grief, bargaining with the universe. They’re hoping that their acts of kindness will be acknowledged by some all-powerful force that will magically warp the fabric of space and time and make everything cool again.

Usually having thousands of Americans contributing their time and money to those less fortunate is a good thing. However, everyone knows this is just a sad aberration. People are just short of good options right now.

A street corner Santa Claus had this to say about the situation; “Unfortunately, this good will probably won’t last much longer. The true spirit of the holiday season will offer a sudden jolt of motivation to many, but that will quickly be followed by the soul-crushing fatigue of enduring the manic holiday season. After that it’s all self-involved new year promises to get in shape. Folks will inevitably fail at all of it: charitable giving, returning crappy gifts within the 30-day window, and their resolutions. Then, it’s an easy slide into stage four, depression.”