North Korea Drops Four More Bombs in War Against the Sea

Kim Jong Un aboard a North Korean warship with sailors

Pyongyang – The isolated communist country of North Korea fired four more long range missiles into the Sea of Japan on Monday, ratcheting up attacks in its ongoing conflict with the world’s bodies of water.

After the recent attacks, the rogue nation appeared incredulous at the notion that there’s no way to win a war against the world’s oceans. In a statement, the Korean Central News Agency website said that, “The DPRK will take further measures to safeguard its dignity and right to exist in genuine peace from the increasing threat from the world’s big evil oceans. They bring nothing but badness! Typhoons, Tsunamis, and icky wetness! To be wet is to be dishonored, and North Korea will not be dishonored by the Pacific, Atlantic, or any other big wet bully!”

The statement also denigrated other bodies of water. “The good and righteous North Korean people can no longer trust the rivers and streams of this world. They’re always shifting and changing, threatening the takeover of more land. They must be destroyed!”

The press release went on to declare that, “Any truly patriotic citizen of the great nation of North Korea will abstain from using water in any form, for any reason. We will remain steadfast, and not let impurities of H20 corrupt our systems.”

So far North Korea has been unable to eliminate their sworn adversary, but experts say that could all change if the nation makes good on its promise to develop a nuclear warhead. “Our recent nuclear warhead test is a demonstration of the will of the WPK and the Korean people to retaliate against enemies that threaten to flood our land and drown our people in undrinkable water and nasty fish creatures,” said the DPRK. “Our dear leader Kim Jong-Un will evaporate our hostile enemy. Then at last, on that glorious day, the world will be rid of precipitation once and for all!”