NBA Fans Prepare for Madness of People Convinced College Basketball is Superior

Duke University's mascot surrounded by Cameron Crazies fans

Phoenix – As this year’s March Madness draws to a close, two basketball fans at Riley O’Reilly’s Sports Bar and Grill participated in an annual rite of unavoidable aggravation and regrettable stupidity. It all began with a passionate declaration from Joe Henderson to his brother Frank.

“I’m telling you bro, the college game is much better. Unlike those spoiled millionaires in the NBA, these kids try so damn hard.”

With that statement, Joe initiated one of an estimated 10 million dumb sports arguments perpetrated by hundreds of giddy college basketball fans nationwide during the men’s NCAA tournament.

Frank was going to just let it go, but considering the game they were watching had been tied at 40 for the last ten minutes because neither team could hit a shot – and the ricochet of one particularly bad miss had knocked a fan unconscious and forced a temporary game stoppage – he’d had enough.

“Get out of here with that crap, man,” Frank said. “Maybe it looks like they’re not trying as hard because NBA players can actually hit a jump shot.”

“That’s because college teams play defense,” came a drunken scream from somewhere behind Joe, leading to an emphatic fish pump by Joe, “Yeah bro, that full court press they were laying down was beautiful.”

“The full court press is a joke!” said another guy behind Frank. “Damn right,” he agreed. “Those trash college point guards get stopped by a full court press. NBA teams play much better defense and don’t waste energy running around with nonsense like that.”

By that point, battle lines had been drawn and a rogue group of NBA devotees were trying to convince the bartender to switch the game on the main screen to a random Nets Sixers game for no better reason than spite, insisting that it would be less awful than what they’d been watching.

Things calmed down considerably at the college game’s conclusion when everyone looked down at their brackets and remembered the true meaning of March Madness.

“Aw yeah, buddy!” Frank beamed. “I just won 1000 bucks in my office pool! I love NCAA buckets! Shots for everybody!”