Nation’s Satirical Websites Scrambling to Keep up With Reality

The Statue of Liberty against an ominously swirling cloud formation in a darkening sky

CHICAGO – What is reality? It’s a slippery, sometimes seemingly illusory concept that philosophers, scientists and stoners have tried in vain to grasp for centuries. Humorists, most recently on satirical websites like The Onion or Clickhole, have done their part to pin down and reveal reality by exaggerating it to the point where its true nature becomes clear. But lately, reality has played hard to get, even for the nation’s satirical websites, who are scrambling to keep up with just how crazy things are becoming.

Samuel Clemons, a writer for the satirical news site “Viva La Humoristance!” summed up the industry’s frustrations. “Look, in satirical comedy, you have to A.) know what’s going on in the world, and B.) heighten that reality to the point of making it humorous. But what the hell do you do when you can’t top the craziness of the way things actually are? Sea levels are rising but people won’t admit it, there are folks who can’t use the public bathroom of their choice, and everybody is pissed off at the color of a coffee cup…we humorists just can’t compete with what’s really going on anymore!”

This year’s events have further thrown internet satirists for a loop. Clemons continued, “We live in a dimension of space and time where a man who lies more than 50% of the time, according to independent lie-o-meters, can be elected to the most powerful positon on the planet …I mean I knew the world was a topsy-turvy, but Jesus Christ, where are we?” Clemens unfortunately doesn’t see reality letting up anytime soon. “With Trump as President for the next four years, we’re just going to have to improvise. Maybe in order to be crazier than reality, comedians will turn to interdimensional aliens, or chaos theory, or teleological contemplations or…or…I’m sorry, I got nothing.”