Millions Flock to Social Media to Demand Boycott of Social Media

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SILICON VALLEY – After news broke of the Cambridge Analytica scandal, in which Facebook had reportedly given up millions of users’ personal data that would play a part in the 2016 election, people across the world announced that it was time to separate themselves from the social media giant. The #DeleteFacebook movement has begun to gain traction as users from all generations encourage their friends and family to boycott Facebook – by posting to their Facebook.

“We need to spread this message, and what better way than through social media?” says longtime Facebook user Chelsea Walker. “This way I can share regular updates on the movement, announce meetups, and connect with other social media resistors! We’ll show them!”

Most of this uproar has been directed towards Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg. Zuckerberg, who famously called the site’s users “Dumb F*cks” for trusting him, is now seen as somewhat untrustworthy in the eyes of the public. In a press conference this afternoon reporters drilled into him, questioning the CEO as to whether he actually cares about Facebook users’ privacy. Zuckerberg responded to one reporter:

“Let me tell you, Hannah Voss age 39, single, Prius driving, dog-owning non-smoker…no one values your privacy as much as me.”

It’s understandable that the public is now concerned as to how their data is acquired and used. Before no one could have imagined that what you share online wasn’t private or sold off for marketing.  But rest assured weary public, we’re sure the 8 years of your harvested data stored across the web is sure to vanish by disabling your account.