TRAVERSE CITY, MI – Dave Winters, just a regular dude with no remarkable characteristics or fight experience, recently survived a bloody knife fight using only his wits and his Glock 19 9mm pistol.
“It went great!” Dave stated afterwards, brushing blood and human detritus from his jacket. “Everyone came right up close to me, and I shot them in the face.”
Reports have come in stating that the fight began as a quarrel between the butchery staff and a gang of roving motorcyclists, regarding the price of sliced meats in a local meat shop. Dave Winters, 26, was walking by after recently purchasing his gun at The Gun Store. Despite being hundreds of pounds lighter than the other combatants, and not possessing a knife, he did great.
Dave ebulliently expressed satisfaction at the outcome of his first ever fight: “The Glock started, and then revolutionized, the polymer gun revolution. It’s lightweight, and basically indestructible. That’s why when I saw this knife fight breaking out, I was like, man oh man. I gotta get in there!”
Everyone else from the fight is dead.