CLEVELAND – Star point guard Kyrie Irving spent much of the summer in limbo after requesting a trade from the Cleveland Cavaliers. Now, according to sources, Irving will be going from limbo to exile, as the Cleveland Cavaliers are set to trade Kyrie Irving to North Koreans in exchange for power forward Dennis Rodman.
When reached for comment, Irving sounded ecstatic about the trade. “It’s great, man. From everything I hear from inside Pyongyang, North Korea is a world class organization, with a leader who’s absolutely obsessed with basketball, and millions of fans who would literally die for the team. I just can’t wait to show them what I’ve got at the summer basketball internment camp.”
The Cleveland Cavaliers front office also seemed extremely happy with the results of this massive deal. After the trade became official, Cavs owner Dan Gilbert tweeted, “Dennis Rodman is one of the greatest rebounders and defensive players in the history of the NBA. With LeBron backing him up, Rodman is sure to unleash fire and fury on the court, the likes of which the world has never seen.”
The only person involved who was disappointed with the trade was Rodman himself, who reportedly pleaded with the North Koreans to take him back. The five-time champ known as “The Worm” grew accustomed to being at least two feet taller than the next biggest player, and to the special treatment by Bulls-superfan and general manager Kim Jong-Un, who allowed Rodman to play in his favorite wedding dress.
“I see what happens to people that get traded from North Korea,” said Rodman in a recent press conference. “That young kid, Otto F. Warmbier, was recently traded to the US, and he was so injured that he couldn’t play at all! I’d rather stay here in the DPRK where it’s safe, and I’m in no danger whatsoever of any looming catastrophe.”
According to sources, in response to the trade, a highly motivated LeBron fumed to Cavaliers head office that they just woke a “sleeping giant,” and that he intends to “blow up the whole world” with basketball fever.