Kohl’s Announces “I’m Wearing Her” Line of Smart Pantsuits for Women

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Seven images of Hillary Clinton wearing colorful pant suits.

MILWAUKEE – In a bold move, attempting to capitalize on the wild election year, major American department store Kohl’s announced that this fall they will feature a line of “I’m Wearing Her” smart pantsuits for women. Riding on the coattails of the Clinton “I’m With Her” campaign, Kohl’s hopes their female customers will agree that a monochromatic pair of trousers and a coordinating jacket are “stronger together.” It’s been rumored that Hillary refers to her inner circle as “The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pantsuits.”

Kevin Mansell, CEO of the retail giant, explained the move as a hedging of bets. “Look…Hillary is probably going to win this election. You know it, I know it, everyone knows it. So let’s not kid ourselves that the orange carnival barker stands a chance against the Clinton political machine, okay? And once she does win, well, we don’t want to get caught with our pantsuits down. Thanks to the nonstop media coverage of the election, every channel is basically a free 24-7 advertisement for women’s pantsuits.  I mean, why should Trump be the only one benefiting from free media? Everything to do with Hillary is in like Flynn. And there is nothing more associated with Mrs. Clinton than sensible pantsuits. When you think of Hillary, you think ‘pantsuit.’ And Kohl’s is in a unique position as a leading global retailer to give women the right to vote, not at the polls, but with their dollars.”

The pantsuit was originally seen as a feminist fashion choice that allowed ambitious women like the former first lady to get ahead. Now, like the Secretary of State herself, the pantsuit is seen as positively presidential.  It’s a poly-blend glass-ceiling-shatterer. Mansell says that the retailer plans to expand the line to include pumps, high-neck blouses and even a cosmetics line.  “Bill and Hillary are only a year apart in age, and she looks at least a decade younger. Women will want to know her secret, and that secret will be ‘I’m Wearing Her’ anti-aging cream and ‘Ball Buster’ hydrating lipstick in bold reds and deep pinks. We’re confident Hillary will age better than any other president in recent history her due to her skincare regime. We want women to know that they can take on the most stressful job in the world and still look amazing. Now that’s a powerful message.”