WICHITA – Billionaire energy tycoons Charles and David Koch, popularly known as the Koch Brothers, have landed a 51% share of Clinton’s soul in a massive buyout of the Democratic Candidate for President’s values and beliefs. Secretary Clinton, who routinely sells pieces of her soul (mainly in the form of paid speeches) to Wall Street for campaign contributions, made the move in a desperate effort to secure the general election over her opponent Donald Trump.
Charles Koch seemed pleased with the deal, although it wasn’t his first choice. “Well, I would have rather bought the election outright, but the American people weren’t having it, so I suppose this is the next best thing.” David Koch, the one that looks more like Frankenstein, sounded equally optimistic. “Mrs. Clinton has proved herself to be an extremely effective tool at moving policies forward, whether for conservative or liberal ideology. We look forward to having that immense political power and skill available for all of our libertarian inclinations over the next four years.”