O’HARE, CHICAGO – According to reports from wary fellow travelers, little Timmy from row D, seat 8 is a mere 6 months away from being able to kick the absolute crap out of the seat in front of him. A superficial glance at his growing frame and strengthening leg muscles indicate that Timmy will soon have the ability run without stopping, play soccer at will, and irritate the hell out of an unwitting passenger on a future flight.
“All it will take is one good growth spurt, and that little hellion will be able to keep a businessman awake for a full 15-hour flight to Japan,” said fellow commuter Anne Noyed. “I don’t normally drink on flights, but being in the seat in front of THAT little kid when his legs grow out? I’d do anything to dull my senses.”
Fellow passengers collectively saw the inevitable truth when little Timmy started shaking like a motor in his chair. Eventually he started hopping up and down in his seat and swinging his legs wildly. As Timmy’s legs flew harmlessly through the air, those sitting in the vicinity shared knowing glances with each other. The unspoken conclusion was clear: that kid is a few months away (at best) from being the most annoying child in the world.
In addition to growing stronger by the day, experts agree that Timmy is also growing more confident in his ability to piss people off for attention. Concurrently, his parents are rapidly losing the energy or desire to contain him.
“That kid’s a ticking time bomb of pent up energy and bratty intentions,” concluded Anne Noyed, who shortly thereafter was escorted out of the airport for saying “bomb.” “All I’ll say is, I’m glad I’m on this plane with him and not one half a year in the future.”
At press time, little Timmy was seen knocking on his seat’s backrest, screaming behind him, “HELLO, WHO’S BACK THERE? MY NAME’S TIMMY, AND I LIKE NINJA TURTLES!”