Kid Fed Up with Having to Constantly Drag Her Mom Out of Whole Foods Wine Bar

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Little girl with her arms crossed and disappointed look on her face

CHICAGO — After another Sunday afternoon of screams and tears, little Kelly Madison, 9 declared that she’d had enough of her mother’s drunken antics. The scene of the shameful incident was the familiar wine bar at their newly opened neighborhood Whole Foods store. After a few too many samples of Robert Mondavi Fume Blanc and the unfortunate occurrence of Bon Jovi’s “Living on a Prayer” being played on the radio, the situation became untenable. Unlike the previous two times this has happened, Kelly refused to throw a fake tantrum to take the heat off her mother, and opted to let store security handle it.

As they stood outside waiting under the watchful eye of store security for their Uber to arrive, Kelly struck a wistful tone that belied her years. “Me and mom used to go to Dominick’s every Sunday. We would come home and cook and have the greatest time. Going to Whole Foods isn’t the same. They hand out stinky cheese and grownup-only juice.” She looked over to her mother who was sitting on the curb with head down between her knees.

“Those days are over now. Not just because that was mom’s final warning and we’re not allowed back. I think this is one of those, like, moments in life when you realize something has changed forever. I blame myself. I should probably let her spend some time with her friends and do that brunch thing she is always talking about. That, or find myself a babysitter so she can hit the clubs on the weekend.”