WASHINGTON D.C- In a tearful press conference, Kellyanne Conway’s husband and two children asked D.C. residents to come forward if they had any information on the whereabouts of his wife and advisor to President Trump. Today, the family launched a missing person photo campaign for Kellyanne, printed on the backs of milk cartons.
Conway’s husband George made his plea on local television and confessed to having not seen his wife since she’d made claims on news media outlets that Trump had possibly been bugged by tapped microwaves.
“She may seem lost or scared, but she’ll scamper right over if you give her an Ivanka Trump handbag, or remind her of the lives lost in that tragic and unfortunately fictional massacre at Bowling Green,” said Mr. Conway, pointing to a green ribbon on his lapel, emblazoned with the words ‘Never Forget.’
Conway hugged his children and grabbed the nest of local news microphones affixed to a nearby podium, “Kellyanne, sweetheart, if you’re out there, come home. The kids need you, I need you.”
Conway is described on each carton as a stunning cougar, with blonde hair, blue eyes and a gaunt face. Children are advised that if they see someone resembling ‘a straw broom with eyes,’ they should contact the family’s missing person hotline: 1-800-ALT-FCTS.