PARIS, FRANCE – New info is emerging from the October 2nd high profile robbing of reality TV’s
favorite child, Kim Kardashian. Sources verify that Kim was alone in her hotel room when
several men dressed as police officers stormed in, bound her wrists with zip ties, and stole
roughly $10 million worth of jewelry. Her husband Kanye West was mid show when he got the
news and abruptly walked off stage to go tend to his family emergency.
During his wife’s questioning Kanye reportedly kept interjecting thoughts on “more
dope” robberies and how he would have done it. Witnesses say that Kanye, shortly after renting
Ocean’s Eleven from a Redbox, told one reporter that he would have “put the little Asian dude
in the bank vault the whole time.” Kanye is taking the issue very seriously, heading straight into
the studio to record his new single “Through the Zip Tie.”
When asked about her constant online presence potentially being the main cause for the
robbery, Kanye interjected, “Kim’s selfies are dope, and I’m gonna let her keep posting, but
Selena Gomez has one of the best Instagrams of all time.” Local Paris news outlet confirms that Kim has sustained no physical injuries and that Kanye has added The Italian Job, Inside Man, and Heat to his Netflix queue.