HAMSTEAD – Men’s clothing retailer Joseph A Bank stunned the industry and consumers by giving away ten free suits to customers with the purchase of one suit for five thousand dollars. This stunning announcement led to lines around the block at their flagship store in Hampstead, Maryland. Aspiring business men, merchants and mobsters all stood in line looking to cash in on the deal.
Benny Big Bucks, a kitchen knife salesman looking to strike it big, was one of those standing in line to receive his ten free suits. “It’s great! See this is the kind of lucky break that’s going to get my knife business off to the right start, and put me in the money!” Mr. Big Bucks expanded on his plans to strike it rich using the ten free suits. “Look, in business it’s all about the presentation. I could sell the folks out there a shiny turd while in a fancy suit, and these poor saps would go in hook line and sinker! Not that my super sharp Ugandan miracle knives are anything to sniff at, mind you. But I’m just saying, all that matters is that the deal looks good at first glance, no matter how much it’s really a rip-off when you think about it for more than two seconds. Well, these suits are going to make my business look spec-freaking-tacular at first glance! I just gotta pay off the loan for this first suit and then I’m golden!”
Douglas S. Ewert, CEO of Joseph A Banks, is thrilled to help start-ups like Benny Big Bucks get off on the right foot. “We’re doing the business community a service here. You just can’t do business without a good looking suit.” When asked about the exorbitant cost of the first suit, Ewert dismissed the notion, “Sure the first is a bit pricey, but you get ten suits for free! It’s a deal that’s too true to be good.” Ewert then leaned back in his cushy office chair, puffed on his long Cuban cigar, and laughed maniacally in a menacing haze of smoke.