IBM’s Deep Blue to Give Commencement Speech at MIT

IBM Machine with graduation cap, giving commencement address to students at podium.

CAMBRIDGE – IBM’s legendary chess champion supercomputer will be sending off graduates at MIT’s upcoming graduation ceremony.

“We’re looking forward to hearing inspirational advice from this mastermind,” said MIT’s president L. Reelly Fareel, “as graduates decide what their next move in life will be.”

Russian chess master Garry Kasparov, who famously lost to Deep Blue, said he wouldn’t trust anything the computer has to say. “He’s a cheater,” Kasparov said, when he heard the news. “He cheated when he played me in that last game, then he didn’t even have the guts to play a rematch. Now he’s probably going to read a speech that some human wrote. It’s Deep BS, is what it is. Idiot Bastard Manipulators –that’s what I call IBM!”

Kasparov is not expected to attend the ceremony.

The university’s website states that the theme of the speech will be “Work hard, process hard, beat Kasparov.” A translator will be present to decipher the computer’s numeric code into the English language. Deep Blue will also be signing copies of his book, “You Are All Pawns: The First Moves Toward Computer World Dominance.”

Deep Blue has been officially retired since 1997, and supposedly hasn’t played chess since, but some students say this is not true. Rumors around Cambridge say that Deep Blue comes out occasionally to hold clandestine chess matches in the basement of The Green Dragon Tavern, although this has not been confirmed.