Hillary Hammers Trump for Lack of Entertaining Scandals This Week

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Hillary Clinton at a Lectern

NEW YORK – Hillary Clinton hammered the Donald hard in her latest campaign speech, citing Trump’s apparent lack of entertaining scandals this week. Speaking to a large crowd at a rally out front of Trump Tower in New York City, Hillary bashed her Republican rival. “Donald has called Mexicans rapists, made fun of reporters with disabilities, attacked a gold star family, and even bragged about sexually assaulting women. Now, just a few weeks before the election when voters need some amusing news to get them through their day, he has gone silent. Once again, the Donald has choked.”

Clinton continued, “Now, I’ve kept up my end of the bargain to the American people. Julian Assange and Wikileaks have been steadily releasing more and more of my embarrassing private emails with my campaign staff, and revealed more of my secret speeches to the folks on Wall Street. And where has the Donald been this whole time? Well, it’s time the American people let him know that we want more scandals, more belligerence, and more disregard for respectable politics! It’s what the voters have come to expect from their politicians, and it’s high time he starts delivering!” said Mrs. Clinton to cheers from the crowd.

Just then Mr. Trump, dressed in Gladiator armor as golden as his hair, opened a window from high up inside Trump tower and screamed to the masses down below, “ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED?!?” The audience fell into a hush. Secretary Clinton quickly leaned into the mic and said, “Never mind.”