WASHINGTON D.C – It all started during the signing of President Trump’s immigration executive order. Each time Trump went for his pen, it would roll just out of reach. He eventually wrestled one into submission only to have it fly out of his hands and chase him around the oval office.
After the executive order went through, reported sightings of the spirit of Mary Anne MacLeod Trump became more and more frequent. Her appearance in a men’s room mirror particularly terrified a still-shaken Mike Pence, as he was seen emerging from the lavatory screaming hysterically of mixed-gender bathrooms.
Family or not, Trump is working to have his mother deported from the White House grounds. “It’s bad for his image” said advisor Kellyanne Conway. “Anything that can move this easily through walls sets a bad precedent. We need to stay on message.”
Trump took advice from Twitter followers and tried using an Ouija board to contact the departed soul. But it turned out to be a ploy to get a photo of his tiny hands on the game board.
Taking action, Trump appointed Bill Murray as Secretary of Supernatural in hopes of reaching out to the spirit to determine what she wants.
Trump’s cabinet eventually settled on a traditional spiritual séance, despite complaints from Vice President Pence that the required hand-holding was “too queer.” Forming a circle in the White House Library, they chanted the late Mrs. Trump’s name 3 times, and she appeared. As books began flying off the shelves, the President approached his mother, demanding to know what she wanted. The ghoul replied “LET US IN. YOUR WHOLE FAMILY IS STUCK AT THE AIRPORT WAITING TO SEE YOU!”