KICKAPOO – Local woman Paige Turner settled into her dream home on 18th and Prescott Ave, but discovered recently that she was not alone. Her barn style house was jokingly believed to be haunted, and Turner’s own realtor warned her of the flight of former owners after experiencing unexplainable disturbances. Armed with historic clippings reporting floating objects, blood-dripping walls, and unnerving wails emanating from the attic, Turner was not deterred. “I’m pretty easy going,” Said Turner, “and what’s a little wailing? At least he’s not a smoker.”
Turner had a rough few weeks initially, losing half her good glassware to the ghost’s unearthly penchant for levitating household objects, but she reports they are on especially good terms. “I didn’t think we needed to get an exorcist for a little miscommunication problem. I just tried laying down some ground rules, and he was super cool with it.”
At Turner’s request, the ghost ceases wailing around 10:30pm each night, only levitates soft, pliable objects, and always leaves the toilet seat down. Turner consulted an Ouija board to see if her corporeal housemate had any requests of his own, and the game piece spelled out a clear message: N-O N-I-C-K-E-L-B-A-C-K.