General Mills to Introduce Emoji-O’s

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Emojis lined up in rows: Winking, Heart eyes, Frown, Smiley, Cool shades emoji, tear of embarrassment, closed eyes, smirk, eyes closed.

GOLDEN VALLEY – General Mills makers of Lucky Charms and Cinnamon Toast Crunch, will introduce their latest sweet and crunchy creation this fall: Emoji-O’s. Featuring lightly sweetened whole grains in the shape of popular internet emojis including the heart-eyes smiley, the thumbs up (or thumbs down depending on which way it floats around in your cereal), as well as those creepy little “see no evil”, “hear no evil”, and speak no evil” monkeys, the cereal targets young internet users as well as creepy Facebook stalkers.

Kendall J Powell, the chairman and CEO of General Mills, was excited to cash in on the internet craze. “Emojis are used billions of times in a year on twitter alone, not to mention on Facebook and in text messaging. It’s how people communicate their feelings! And soon, thanks to our new cereal Emoji-O’s, it’s going to be how they eat their feelings too.”

And how will the new cereal taste?  Emoji-O’s flavor palate will mirror another one of General Mill’s other hit cereals, Lucky Charms. Most of the traditional yellow face emojis will be made from toasted oats, while the colorful emojis (heart, purple devil, etc.) will be made with multi-colored marshmallow shapes. However, according to Powell there will be one notable exception.

“The poop emojis will be made out of straight chocolate. And let me tell you, those little guys are gonna be the S%!#.”

When asked how he thinks the cereal will do in the competitive market of foods with imprinted faces, Powell grew competitive. “The snack that smiles back? Ha! How about the snack that sticks out its tongue and closes its eyes back? Or the snack that face punches back? Or neutral faces back? We’re providing a culinary roller coaster that our competitors can’t touch!”