DENVER, CO – In a move that likely surprises no one, Frontier Airlines announced a change in policy today that would allow for the carrier to charge customers extra for bringing on too many items… in their pockets. The policy, operating on the temporary title: the “slacks tax,” is the first of its kind to target travelers trying to cut down on baggage by stuffing their pants compartments.
Frontier, who has long been known for their tight regulations regarding carry-ons and checked bags, said the move is required to combat the extra fuel required to carry the additional weight being brought onboard via people’s pants.
CEO Barry Biffle addressed the media about the changes this morning, “These spoiled customers think they’re slick. Stuffing their pants full of peanuts and gum so they don’t have to pay for it on the plane. Well I got news for you, that space isn’t free and the freeloading stops here.” He went on to add: “I don’t care if you do need that inhaler on you at all times Billy. If you’re riding on one of my planes then that’s going to be $49.95…per pocket.
Customers are encouraged to board with completely empty pockets by just leaving their carried possessions in the hands of TSA. If somehow they do find themselves ready to board with a full pocket, they’ll need to act fast: Got a billfold full of cash? Better to just dump it than pay for the extra weight. Granny got a pocket full or Werther’s? Better put it in the heinie-hideout. Anything rather than giving your money to Barry Biffle.